Cyber Friends

http://www.truecenterpublishing.com/psycyber/psytextrel.html#integration

This article originally appeared as Suler, J.R. (2004). The psychology of text relationships.
In Online Counseling: a manual for mental health professionals (R. Kraus, J. Zack & G. Striker, Eds). London: Elsevier Academic Press.

Disinhibition

It’s well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they ordinarily wouldn’t in the face-to-face world. They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the disinhibition effect. It’s a double-edged sword. Sometimes people share very personal things about themselves. They reveal secret emotions, fears, wishes, show unusual acts of kindness and generosity, and as a result intimacy develops. Clinicians dare to make important interventions that they would have withheld face-to-face. On the other hand, the disinhibition effect may not be so benign. Out spills rude language, harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats. People act out in all ways imaginable.  Intimacy develops too rapidly resulting in regret, anxiety, and a hasty termination of the relationship. Clinicians say something better left unsaid. On the positive side, disinhibition indicates an attempt to understand and explore oneself, to work through problems and find better ways of relating to others. And sometimes it is simply a blind catharsis, an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all. Earlier in this article I cited an e-mail in which a woman, a complete stranger to me, intimately described her relationship with her online lover. Consider also this e-mail from another stranger:

i am so suicidal every day that i have to tell somebody  i would die and it would be all my parents fault for beating me every day and my classmates faults for making my life miserable every day and my dealers fault for going out of town and my fault for being manic depressive and suicidal and it would all be yalls fault cause your fuckin site is to god damn confusing and i couldnt talk to anybody. thank you for your time  please feel just fucking free to e-mail me back

What causes this online disinhibition? What is it about cyberspace that loosens the psychological barriers that normally block the release these inner feelings and needs?  Several factors are operating, many of them driven by the qualities of text communication that I’ve described previously. For some people, one or two of these factors produces the lion’s share of the disinhibition effect. In most cases these factors interact with each other, supplement each other, resulting in a more complex, amplified effect.

Anonymity (You Don’t Know Me)  As you move around the internet, most of the people you encounter can’t easily tell who you are. People only know what you tell them about yourself. If you wish, you can keep your identity hidden. As the word “anonymous” indicates, you can have no name – at least not your real name. That anonymity works wonders for the disinhibition effect. When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can’t be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don’t have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they “really” are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn’t have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors “aren’t me at all.” This is what many clinicians would call dissociation.

 

 

Link Building

I was curious how I could get web links on my cite and found the webpage”WOW> uswow.com Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Link_buildingUpdated: 2015-02-17T06:50Z

Reciprocal link

A reciprocal link is a mutual link between two objects, commonly between two websites, to ensure mutual traffic. For example, Alice and Bob have websites. If Bob’s website links to Alice’s website, and Alice’s website links to Bob’s website, the websites are reciprocally linked. Website owners often submit their sites to reciprocal link exchange directories in order to achieve higher rankings in the search engines. Reciprocal linking between websites is no longer an important part of the search engine optimization process. In 2005, with their Jagger 2, update Google stopped giving credit to reciprocal links as it does not indicate genuine link popularity.[7]

Forum signature linking

Forum signature linking is a technique used to build backlinks to a website. This is the process of using forum communities that allow outbound hyperlinks in a member’s signature. This can be a fast method to build up inbound links to a website’s Search Engine Optimization value.

Blog comments

Leaving a comment on a blog can result in a relevant do-follow link to the individual’s website. Most of the time, however, leaving a comment on a blog turns into a no-follow link, which are not counted by search engines, such as Google and Yahoo! Search. On the other hand, blog comments be clicked on by the readers of the blog if the comment is well-thought-out and pertains to the discussion of the post on the blog.[citation needed]

Directory link

Website directories are lists of links to websites which are sorted into categories. Website owners can submit their site to many of these directories. Some directories accept payment for listing in their directory, while others are free.

Social bookmarking

Social bookmarking is a way of saving and categorizing web pages in a public location on the web. Because bookmarks have anchor text and are shared and stored publicly, they are scanned by search engine crawlers and have search engine optimization value.

 

Black hat link building

There has been a sustained effort on the part of Google’s web spam team to prevent the manipulation of their search results through link building. Major brands including J.C. Penney, BMW, Forbes, Overstock.com, and many others have received severe penalties to their search rankings for employing spammy and non-user friendly link building tactics.[8]

The conflicts of being devalued by major search engines while building links could be caused by web owners using black hat strategies. Black hat link refers to the process of acquiring as many links as possible with minimal effort.Black hat SEO could also be referred to Spamdexing as sapmdexing also includes a lot of black SEO strategies and link building tactics.[9] Some black hat link building strategies include getting unqualified links from and participating in Link farm, link schemes and Doorway page.[5]

White hat link building

White hat link building strategies are those strategies that add value to end users, abide by Google’s term of service and produce good results that could be sustained for a long time.[10] White hat link building strategies focus on producing high-quality as well as relevant links to the website. Although more difficult to acquire, white hat link building tactics are widely implemented by website owners because such kind of strategies are not only beneficial to their websites’ long-term developments but also good to the overall online environment. Some effective link building tactics which have been used recently include understanding and following Google’s Quality guidelines,[5] outreaching relevant links to your websites[11] as well as sharing links via social media platforms.[12]

See also

  • Deep linking: linking directly to a page within another website.
  • Inline linking: linking directly to content within another website.
  • Internal link: linking directly to content within your own website.
  • Link doping: The practice and effects of embedding a large number of hyperlinks on a website in exchange for return links, especially when used to inflate the apparent popularity of the website.

Linkedin Books and Writers

I joined Books and Writers in Linkedin a few months ago. I found the group discussion a very informative site, and very considerate and helpful for writers who need advice.

Yesterday a new Subject came out, “There is a book that says that people came from one man, is it a lie?”

I read a few comments and decided to put my two cents in…

Helene Thomas

–Writer

Top Contributor

Gosh…I heard we came from a virus. But then I was told by a very wise man never discuss religion or politics, least ye be pelted with rotten mutton, and then some.
I always enjoy reading about other writers opinion, as for me…I am keeping mum on this subject.
I’ll just read the comments.

Here are a few other comments I wrote.

Helene Thomas

–Writer

I’m writing a children’s fantasy story about an alternate universe bubble that comes close to earth, near Seattle and a micro burst from the bubble pulls in a big bag of Halloween candy. And what happens when the children gorge on the sugary treats?

 

Sy, I love science. I watch, Through the Wormhole, The Universe and many other documentaries on the Science Channel.
Your idea about a time zone coming close to each other, sound like it would make a great children’s science fiction story. Let me know when you write it.

Marsell, you are very observant when the captain of the ship communicates with Star Fleet if placing a phone call and light years apart. That I didn’t pick up on. Though, I did wonder about Jurassic Park dinosaurs in the 21st century with less oxygen then 65 million years ago. Love that movie.
I have read books, “The Black Hole War,” by Leonard Susskind, “The Fabric of the Cosmos,” by Brian Greene, “Hyperspace,” by Michio Kaku, “Biocentrism,” by Robert Lanza, MD with Bob Berman, and hundreds of science fiction books.
Your book “Alien Plot-First Contact” sounds very, very interesting.

One of many prompts was when I was playing Uno with my granddaughter. Whenever I won she had a fit with cards thrown up in the air. I sent the true story to a magazine and received a check in the mail a month later.
There are prompts everywhere, going to the grocery store and seeing a shopper wearing a flimsy skirt tucked between her buttocks, should you pull it out? I didn’t have the guts. I wrote a short story about the event, and filed it away in case I can use that episode in one of my stories.

 

When I procrastinate I play solitaire. How long? I’m not telling.

 

While you guys are having fun on the Yak fetching goodies, I’m still sitting here playing solitaire, hoping for a light bulb moment on how to get out of my procrastination.
I did manage to write one joke.
“You know sis, I am the oldest and the healthiest from all four of us.”
“That’s because you drank most of mom’s tittie Juice and didn’t leave enough for us.”
I’m back to playing solitaire.

Robert Cooper

Director at Lao Insight Books/Owner-manager of Book Café Vientiane

Helene. Let’s hope the light bulb moment arrives quickly, before another joke.

 

Mary, I can relate; I have been trying to log on my website for a week, couldn’t remember, who, what, when. I finally called my son and told him he messed up my site since he changed my domain name from.net to .com
Actually, I forgot my user name and password, but didn’t tell him that.
I use WordPress, which is pretty user friendly, now I have to learn how to make the fonts larger.
Good luck setting up your blog.

Right on D.R. to be on the NYTBS listed. But, oh what fun just day dreaming about it; chucks, it doesn’t bring in any money. Procrastination has a hold of me like a nasty ghost that won’t let go…keep on writing.
Next chapter.

 

They didn’t read my post…

Since I am retired and have a lot of alleged spare time, it was voted that I should find us three reasonable motel rooms. Variable wish lists from a few became very challenging.
Because I couldn’t find everyone’s wishes and wanting to please I started getting an eye twitch.
After corresponding with all, while trying to keep the e-mail short since reading e-mail from your cell phone has to be less than two sentences. I’ve come to the conclusion no one reads the third sentence which stated to go to my website and read the complete letter.
Everyone was getting unhappy for lack of their special amendments, so I decided on looking for rooms that I could afford.
The hostel slept twenty to a room and was very cheap, but I decided against it since all of you upper-middle-class families are too used to being coddled with things like clean towels.
I looked at pictures on the Internet and found a nice-looking motel close to the airport, deluxe rooms with two vibrating queen beds for four at a price of $55.00 a night, or $13.75 per person. Not cheaper than the hostel but guaranteed to have amenities like free wireless for those with rooms with line of site to the nearby train station.
After I booked the rooms, I thought it better to read some of the prior guests’ comments. I believe some people are very picky and expect a five star service for a one star price but here is what I found:
Close to a correction facility and airport, the noise prevents sleep, and fears from potentially escaping prisoners.
Lice infested dump.
Lacks necessary amendments like toilet paper.
Better sleeping in your car.
They stole MY towels.
Free parking is only for 1 night, after that your car will be stolen and you won’t need it.
Should the comments be true, you’ll be SORRRRY because I am not canceling the damn booking.

Love Mom

AHA…. SOME ONE READ MY LETTER…THEY BOOKED THEIR OWN PLACE AND ARE PAYING THREE TIMES AS MUCH…

Most of the wedding party did not read the letter on my website and we arrived a week later at the motel I booked. The motel was jam-packed with automobiles. You had to walk sideways in-between the parked cars just to get to the lobby for the motel keys. The guest in front of me was scantly dressed with a bit of butt cheeks showing. The place smelled funny, and the carpet looked like the inside of my garage floor that hadn’t been cleaned in years.

I suddenly heard a recognizable high pitched voice, yelling on his cell phone outside the lobby, “No! No! Go to Denny’s and stay put, will call you…theirs no parking space here, don’t come!”

I got the keys and a few of the wedding party looked in the rooms.

“It stinks I’m not staying!” said my loud mouth son. One guest said she was okay with the next room that didn’t smell so bad.

“Mom open your eyes…focus, focus…go cancel…we’re finding something else!”

I couldn’t convince the upper middle class snobs to stay. I focused and saw a few unsavory characters as I looked down from the second floor, and witnessed one person three cars down attempting to hotwire a car, well maybe its best to find us another motel.

We found a reasonable 4 star motel four blocks down the road and Rich called the rest of the wedding guests and gave them the address. Good thing they didn’t see the place I booked, when they travel they book in the most expensive hotels and require 24 hour room service.

If they bothered to read the reviews from other previous guest, I must say those guests were gentle with their comments, they could have found their own accommodations.

Yup, I always like a good bargain; I guess they didn’t realize what a good bargain I could find.

 

Forward and send

A few weeks ago, a friend, which I will call M, needed a picture to send to friends and family. She didn’t like the way she looked and said, “I got dark circles under my eyes, and my face is too fat.”

I took a few pictures and told her I would e-mail them when I finished using Photoshop.

I picked the best picture, and sent her a copy of the original and the picture I doctored up.

Underneath the picture, I wrote. Untouched.

On the Photoshop picture, I wrote. Elongated face, erased dark circles, whitened teeth.

She called me soon after and said she forwarded my e-mail to all her friends and family.

“Ah M, did you read what I wrote underneath the pictures.”

“No, I couldn’t find my glasses, and just hit forward to all and send.”

 

 

 

Hairballs and shark attacks

Hairballs and shark attacks
By Helene Thomas
Published in Grandparenting mag. 2012
I received a desperate phone call from my daughter Tonya, who needed a babysitter for a few days.
Unsuspecting of the hilarious situation I would find myself in, I watched Tonya and my 3-year old granddaughter, Chloe, arrive from Seattle the next morning. Chloe’s pink suitcase had suddenly become stuck on one stair leading up to the deck. Short on patience, she swing around and started to wrestle her luggage. Chuckling, I hurried and helped pull her suitcase up to the deck. Right away she spotted the toys in the living room, and the magnetic pull of playthings left only a quick hug for me as she said, “Toys for me, Grandma Honey?”
Tonya gave me a few instructions after she had set up the car seat in my car.
“Mom, she sleeps in a big bed now, and you have to lie down with her at nights okay? Once she’s asleep you can sneak out. You two are going to have so much fun, Mom.”
“Huh? Four months ago when you came for the week-end she slept by herself!”
“She’s going through a stage, Mom.”
We walked Tonya to her car. When she opened the door, she mumbled something about Chloe likes to hold ears before she falls asleep…
Back in the house Chloe decided to hold a tea party. She loved to pour. I was getting waterlogged, and to distract her I mentioned picking berries.
She let out a squeal, dashed out of her little chair and raced to the back door.
One look at the overgrown berry patch and I immediately regretted mentioning berry picking. I pointed at a few raspberries that were easy for her to reach. After she picked two berries, she pointed to the raspberries for me to pick. I discovered she didn’t like to pick, just eat them. After my second handful of ripe raspberries I told her the rest of the berries had to ripen.
“But Grandma Honey, I see lots and lots of red berries — see?” she said pointing deep inside the thorny twigs.
“I see — go pick them.”
“No, Grandma Honey, it’s still your turn to pick.”
The heat was beating down on us and I said, “Tomorrow we’ll pick them.”
“Why tomorrow?”
“Cause they’ll taste better tomorrow.”
She raced toward the wading pool, stripped down to her diaper and quickly sat down and splashed away for two minutes. When she tried to get up, she looked at me, as if I was holding her down. I saw a tantrum coming on and quickly lifted her up. Her diaper had sucked up most of the water, which I concluded weighed more than she did.
We went back in the house, changed her and turned on a favorite DVD. After the third Sippy cup of apple juice the show ended, and she disappeared into the den. Within seconds, she was back in the living room with a folded diaper in her hand. Cute, I thought. She’s going to play mommy and put a diaper on the Cabbage Patch doll, so I continued on what I was doing.
Suddenly, she stomped her foot with incoherent words coming out of her mouth.
I smiled and walked to the kitchen. She followed me, now clearly articulating, “Change my diaper — I said change my diaper!”
I couldn’t stop laughing, ran around the kitchen island and said, “You have to catch Grandma first,” hoping to get her out of her angry mood.
With a full day behind us and past Chloe’s bedtime, I realized nighttime was also the catch-me-if-you-can time.
Tired and worn, we went to bed and straight away I pretended to sleep. She was singing a song and within minutes, I felt tiny fingers on my ear as she probed them with little pinches. Then she grasped my ear, and with each release she squeezed harder.
“Ouch! Leave Grandma’s ear alone.”
“Okay, Grandma Honey.”
She twisted and turned and presently I found a foot on my head. I turned around to protect my face. Then her little head squirmed close to the back of my neck, pushing as hard as she could, “I love you, Grandma Honey,” and those tiny fingers started to twist my ear, and stretched my poor ear like a rubber band.
I found this bedtime ritual hilariously funny and pressed my lips against the mattress. Now glued to my back, a little busy hand started to tousle my hair, and suddenly I felt strands of hair leaving my head. “You’re hurting Grandma’s head,” I said, still with a nice voice.
She stopped pulling my hair, and little finger found my ear again. This time though, it felt more like a shark attack.
“Ouch!” I yelled and jackknifed out of bed. “Grandma has to go potty. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, Grandma Honey.”
I switched on the light and quickly checked my ear, making sure my ear hadn’t morphed into boxers’ ear.
Now I knew what happened to beloved teddies that turned ragged, or blankets that become tattered for comfort at nights. This little one liked ears for security.
Ten minutes later I tiptoed to my own room.
The next night my attempt to sneak out of bed didn’t work; like a magnet she was right behind me, asking, “Is it morning time, Grandma Honey?”
No such luck, so I sank back into bed, and those strong little muscled fingers found my ear again.
Over the next few days we held many tea parties, baked cake in her little oven, played hide-and-go-seek, finger-painted, blew bubbles, styled and cut snarled hair balls off the heads of a couple of Tonya’s old Barbie dolls, and splashed away in the wading pool.
A week later my daughter returned to Yakima, and after lunch we said our goodbyes. The house seemed so hauntingly empty, and I wished I lived closer to my grand-kids.
Two weeks went by. I received a call from Tonya, who was driving Chloe to the beauty parlor. Chloe had somehow gotten hold of a pair of scissors and beautified herself. Oops! — I wondered if Chloe had seen hair balls in her own hair.IM000933.JPG

Culinary creativity for picky eaters

Culinary creativity for picky eaters
By
Helene Thomas

The cereal aisles in grocery stores are filled with countless selections, and hard to choose which box to buy. For kids, their palate has become so selective in how the cereal crunches, how big the flakes or nuggets are and their mood on what cereal to eat that morning. That in itself can produce a stress attack.

No wonder parents don’t care to hang out with their kids, they made them into such picky eaters, and when they hear, I’m hungry; they ship them off to grandma’s house.
One day I fixed the grandkids a grill cheese sandwich with their favorite Hawaiian bread for breakfast. They refused to eat it because it wasn’t lunch time. If I had placed a slice of chocolate cake in front of them it would have been gobbled up in seconds.
Now I will only feed them oatmeal cooked on top of the stove and sweetened with brown sugar. I got tired of digging through a box of 48 instant oatmeal packets, for favorite flavors. That’ll cause stress, miss reading the packet, and serving the wrong oatmeal.

I stash a half-empty cereal box topped off with maggots, and keep that box in the freezer. So, when pickiness rears its ugly head in the morning, I get out the cereal box from the freezer, and let them take a peek and say, “Don’t want to eat cereal do you…see all those maggots, they’ll crawl around in your mouth and might even poop?”
They eat the oatmeal cooked on top of the stove sprinkled with brown sugar without any fuss.

Chritmas is looming in the shadows again

Heaven help us, Christmas is looming in the shadows again. Gifting has become an intense apprehension, close to a tension seizure on what to gift.

Everyone specializes on color, smell, design and personal choice. A $75 face cream is the wrong brand. A set of towels the wrong color and size. Gift cards are tucked in the wallet and forgotten.

Christmas cards are only sent by seniors and businesses now.
Finances are tight, and being creative on what to buy has become a dilemma because preferences change on a whim. Most of us cringe on the thought of gifting.

This year I will get creative and send a persona gift card.

GIFTING YOU A SPECIAL TREAT FOR CHRISTMAS

LUNCH
We will go to Costco and eat all we can by walking up and down the aisles tasting delicious samples.
SHOPPING SPREE
I will take you to the Dollar store for you to choose five wondrous items, anything your heart desires.

Love you
Mom

Public flogging

To the editor — Aggressively flogged for years, smokers have received a little reprieve. Now experts are after obese people. An epidemic in plumpness has hit mainstream America. Just like smokers, overweight people cost insurance companies, cost taxpayers and cost businesses with all their alleged sick leave.

 

Laws are in effect to help make your life more miserable. Sin tax on smokes and the goodies you buy, the higher the calories, the higher the sin tax. Traveling? Pay by how many pounds your body holds.

 

Who’d have guessed, it’s the salt shakers now. The more you sprinkle on your food, the unhealthier you’ll get. Now you are categorized with smokers and plump people.

 

A glass of red wine is good for the heart. Never mind if that itsy bitsy after-dinner wine glass has graduated to a stemmed fish bowl. In the 1960s, one kept wine bottles inside the pantry, under the bed; oops, did I say that? We are now connoisseurs of distinguished wines.

 

How soon will experts find an outbreak of unpleasantness for wine connoisseurs?

 

Who will be next for public flogging?

 

All I can say, don’t let the experts mess with our happy hour.

Crappy Work

Crappy Work

By

Helene Thomas

 

Who does a good job? …no one, well, maybe one out of a hundred? Though, when my son hires someone for me, the job is done very professionally with no short cuts. He does work at an Architecture firm…hmmm?

When I hire someone to do a job I become bedazzled watching the crappy job being performed.

Having a telephone line strung loosely through the kitchen to the end of your living room and plugged into the DVR, Not only was it unsightly, but also prevented me from opening the broom closet door in the kitchen. I must say what a lovely job.

 

A couple years ago I hired a company for a tree pruning job. One worker showed up on time and the other worker was late. I had my next door neighbor explain to the worker in Spanglish that the tree limbs that invaded her yard were to be pruned back. The late comer decided it would look too ugly pruning the limbs back and did whatever he deemed pretty. Testosterones at work.

 

A cable was strung and attached next to the back door kick plate instead of over the door; the kick plate ices up in the winter. It also had a loop at each end at the bottom next to the door, a toe catcher when a gaggle of kids race for the bathroom. I tell the grandkids if they pee in the pool the area around them will turn dark green and they will be banned from swimming in my pool. They wait till the last minute, run without looking and a toe could get caught in the cable loop. Easy way out.

 

The one percent good job was when I hired a Company to replace four bedroom windows. The two workers’ were in the bedroom removing a window when I heard a loud smack. I was in the hallway, took a quick look and saw a two ft window trim attached to a worker’s thumb. I heard the lead person say,”Sam, help me get the nail out of my thumb.” I immediately made a u turn and headed for the kitchen with Sam right behind me.

“Sam I need your help!”

“Sam your buddy called you.”

“I didn’t hear him.”

“I’m sure he called for you.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Never mind I got the nail out myself.”

We immediately turned around and went to the bedroom to see if he needed our assistance. I ministered first aid and they both went back to work. Sam was in training and new to accidental nail implants.

I do need a new gutter for my house, and before I make any arrangements. I am going to drive to the bad part of town and look for a parking lot with lots of motorcycles parked next to a bar. Then I will put on a brave face on and walk in, seek out the bartender and ask him to point out the meanest biker in his establishment, and hope I can hire myself a Hell’s Angel to watch over the worker. I have a feeling it will be a job well done.