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GETTING REALLY REALLY OLD AN OGRE
As we get older and everything fails, eyesight, bladder control, strength, etc, we cloak ourselves in the illusion of more independence. The less we can manage the more we depend on our proud independence. Ogretum comes on when your centurion age is roughly twenty years away and sometimes even sooner. Telltale signs…
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CLOSET SMOKER
I am a closet smoker. No one in my family knows I smoke. Though, one of the grandkids did catch me behind the detached garage puffing away one stressful summer day. I blackmailed him; I knew stuff that he had committed which I promised I wouldn’t tell, but if he did, I would match…
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MY MOTHER
My mother was getting up in age, and I called her every evening. A mom has guilt trips down to a fine art and at times felt clueless why I felt so guilty. Sometimes I got a glimmer of suspicion, but hey, it’s mom, and she loves me. Once I called her twice in…
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THE EXTENDED FAMILY
We celebrated Becky’s birthday at the gym, where she had her weekly gymnastic lessons. We set out all the goodies on a table before the guests arrived. Dan was sitting on a stuffed stool next to a low table designed for kids. Ex hubby number one, Tom, walked in with Shelley. Dan had his head…
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Time reference to the 21st century, the toilet.
Children scene Scene 1 “Grandma, I just plugged up your toilet.” “Naw, you didn’t, that toilet flushes fast like a jet taking off…naw.” “Can I borrow your plunger?” “You’re kidding me?” “Nope!” Grandma looks. “Ach fuey that’s an elephant turd, how are you going to plunge that down, man it’s almost to the toilet rim.”…
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ONE OF MANY DREAMS I HAD OVER THE YEARS
Dreamt of different shapes and slight variances in sizes the color of coffee beans. Almost like a DNA string, the shapes did not appear to be attached together with anything solid, only appeared to be connected. I was analyzing different shapes and worked on modifying some of the…
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STORIES FROM THE LINKEDIN PROCRASTINATION POST
(We were kicked out of that forum because we had so much fun writing stories.) It all happened so quick, placed on an entangled electron, instantly transporting us to a lab, impressive. We looked around and were rushed into a cubicle. Two orderlies dressed in hazmat suits pushed a hypodermic needle in our arm. One…
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Know what’s living on your face.
My daughter recommended facial cleansing pads with Tree Oil because it kills Demodex mites that live on your face and burro in your skin and lay eggs. Well, I quickly plugged my ear with my fingers and screamed. “Too much information!” but it was too late I heard everything. Am I grossing you out like…
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Family Gathering.
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They didn’t read my post…
Since I am retired and have a lot of alleged spare time, the kids voted that I should find us three reasonable motel rooms. Variable wish lists from a few became very challenging. Because I couldn’t find everyone’s wishes and wanting to please, I started getting an eye twitch.…